Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
