ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
