there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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