Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize