I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
