Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
