you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
