Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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