Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just invented taco cereal.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
