"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
