now i know why i became what i already was.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
