i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I believe in your delicious
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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