I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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