He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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