if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
