i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
