So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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