What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
