just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
