paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
