I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
