i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
