I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
