for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
