I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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