Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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