i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
