i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize