hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My dad is sitting where you rode me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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