This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
