i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
