my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
