Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize