i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
