Got a toothbrush?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
