does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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