The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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