Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
