haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
