Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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