I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
