I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
