hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
