soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
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If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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