I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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