I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
