i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
