i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i think i just lost a toe
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
