After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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