im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
