dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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