remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
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