I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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