why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
