So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
