sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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