no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
