At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
