ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
