And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
