i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
