he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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