Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
