why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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