I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
