I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
