Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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