Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
is that a dick in a sweater?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
