he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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