my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
